Project Weight Loss

 I love taking on projects in life. So my next project was: I will now lose weight.

Anything can be difficult, but I decided, how difficult can losing something be? I mean, I keep losing keys, socks, and sometimes even the point of doing anything. After all, I am not too attached to anything in life. Certainly not to the extra layer around my stomach.

So began the great mission, Project Weight Loss.

And like any good project, this one started with a perfect plan. I divided it linearly. Ten percent body fat to be lost in ten weeks, which meant one percent per week. A Gantt chart was drawn. Milestones set. The plan had timelines, deliverables, KPIs, and a post-success celebration strategy.

The first day at the gym was interesting.

There were machines everywhere. Dumbbells, barbells, treadmills, all designed, it seemed, to make life difficult. I had studied mechanical engineering. My job was to make machines that reduce human effort. And here, someone had made machines that do the opposite. The more effort you give, the more resistance they provide. Brilliant stupidity.

But I persevered. The gym instructor was not a kind man. He smiled only when you were in pain and said things like “Just five more reps,” which was always a lie. Because he could not count. I realized this early. He would say, “We will go till eight,” and then after five, he would reset. Numbers meant nothing to him.

After thirty minutes of exercise that day, my scientific mind made a key discovery. My muscles were breaking down. So I did what any rational man would do. I studied weight loss and muscle breakdown.

I read that muscles grow not during exercise, but during rest. So I realised that afternoon naps are mandatory. On days I could not nap, I simply skipped the gym. 

I also felt hungry on the first day. Again, I read. And discovered that the body undergoes oxidation during stress, and we need antioxidants. What gives antioxidants? Blueberries, green tea, and dark chocolate. And chocolate sounded urgent. I bought multiple bars of dark chocolate and immediately regained my antioxidant levels.

Further reading told me that fat is not the enemy. The real enemy is carbohydrates. All these years I had looked at parathas with suspicion and butter with guilt. And now I was told that butter was innocent. So I began eating fat. Nuts, seeds, peanut butter, ghee. The good kinds. I now call it increased delivery of essential fatty acids to the brain for cognitive performance and cell repair.

Fitness advice, of course, is everywhere. Some calculations say I should lose weight, but others say my weight is perfectly fine. I have decided to wait patiently until the experts come to a unified conclusion.

I tried to teach counting to my gym instructor and educate him on the importance of a good diet. He, on the other hand, is not someone who believes in making life easier. For anyone. His philosophy is simple. If you can walk after leg day, we have failed. And he is a master of sadist quips. When I once groaned in protest, he looked at me with wisdom and said, “Pain is just weakness leaving the body.”

My weighing machine now shows I have gained two kilos in one month. But now I know that the number on the scale is often not correct. It could be water retention. It could be stress. It could be anything. You should never really bother about the number that shows up on the scale. Also, being a mechanical engineer myself, I know how many machines have faults.

I feel I need more research and more reflection before proceeding further. So I have taken a fortnight’s break from the gym to give full rest to my body before rejoining. My relationship with weight loss is not yet broken, but it is under stress. This was not laziness. This was strategic realignment.

I also discovered another insight. They say the road to heaven feels like hell, and the road to hell feels like heaven. If you are already in heaven on the road, why waste further time?