Ripples.......

Thodi si zameen, thoda aasman
Tinkon ka bas, ek aashiyana

Lost in this world, I want my share of ‘thodi si zameen’

Life is strange and I feel that I will never be able to understand it. What is sufficient for me, why am I here. I just want to be happy and that is my ultimate aim in life. I want to dissolve myself in the magic of life. To do what I feel like, to taste everything, to feel the colors, to live, to be happy. I am restless to be where I belong to. But I do not know the path, perhaps no one does.

When will I reach my destination?

14.02.2006 that’s VALENTINE’s DAY

I being the sole interpreter, arbiter and enforcing authority of Hinduism hereby proclaim that no one henceforth shall be allowed to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Anyone found guilty of celebrating it shall be duly punished by my law enforcers who will be assuming special responsibility on this day. My laws enforcers shall be free to vandalize shops, misbehave and punish any erring couple whom they think appropriate for punishment.

Entire year no one remembers me but I deserve my due share in national dailies.

We live in Hindustan and we have a culture. Only I can understand what our culture is and I have assumed the special responsibility of preserving it. Matters of beliefs and faith are above our constitution or any law of land. Our land prohibits the couples to meet, express love and ruin their future. When a girl ruins her future herself, it brings shame to her family. But parents follow the due customs of caste, dowry to legitimize marriage. Only parents shall have the right of ‘ruining’ her life.

All these days are from ‘fauran’ culture. My culture has taught me to preserve it by taking obscene processions, using idiot mobs for creating nonsense and giving some work to otherwise idle yet enlightened youths.

To remove any confusion, it is stated that no argument against me shall be correct, or deserved to be heard as I am the only person who knows what is right for you idiots.

(……………………Still I don’t understand why my law enforcers change party when they get a girlfriend……may be there is a fauran conspiracy)

Black- I saw it today, that’s 13th Feb. 2006.

No reviews……….. Just how I am feeling right now….


Poignancy, of being alone, in the darkness
Locked…….in mind…….in oneself
Suffocation……
Melancholy……pain……
empathy…..
for others…..for myself
Sense of being unknown……. to world…….
miseries…..feelings……..life
Desperation to communicate
Communicate………what you really want to…
…………….To be understood
Beauty of life…...
colors…... dreams…..music
Happiness……smile……..
love

Optimism……….

Feeling Heavy, Feeling Light

(How I am feeling after leaving the job....….)

I am miserable……
What have I one to myself? Placed myself entirely at the mercy of fate.

Life cannot be so difficult everywhere. I am attending coaching seven days a week. And what I will do when the coaching ends. One cannot study 24*7 that also when the result shall come after one and half years later. The routine seems eternal. Adding to my misery UPSC offers only handful of seats. A failure can lead to a ruin.

It is scary. There is no money in my pocket, no certainty in life. I am feeling terrible, all my friends are moving ahead and I feel like losing the race.

I had a good job…… at least others said so. I was having good money and the feeling of having a secure future. I have left the job, I will be spending my years here and what if…..

I am calm. I am satisfied……

This is what I wanted to do. This is where I want to take my life. I could not lead my life with guilt that I never had the courage to do what I wanted.

I love these things; I know I am interested in these. I have seen some of the most wonderful persons.......... persons whom I would like to emulate while leading my life. First time in my life I am feeling that I am gaining something.........the feeling of being a rebel, not led by hordes. Life cannot be lead according to dictums dictated by this world.

Others cannot decide what the right path is for me.

I am not a prisoner in someone else’s life.