Feeling Heavy, Feeling Light

(How I am feeling after leaving the job....….)

I am miserable……
What have I one to myself? Placed myself entirely at the mercy of fate.

Life cannot be so difficult everywhere. I am attending coaching seven days a week. And what I will do when the coaching ends. One cannot study 24*7 that also when the result shall come after one and half years later. The routine seems eternal. Adding to my misery UPSC offers only handful of seats. A failure can lead to a ruin.

It is scary. There is no money in my pocket, no certainty in life. I am feeling terrible, all my friends are moving ahead and I feel like losing the race.

I had a good job…… at least others said so. I was having good money and the feeling of having a secure future. I have left the job, I will be spending my years here and what if…..

I am calm. I am satisfied……

This is what I wanted to do. This is where I want to take my life. I could not lead my life with guilt that I never had the courage to do what I wanted.

I love these things; I know I am interested in these. I have seen some of the most wonderful persons.......... persons whom I would like to emulate while leading my life. First time in my life I am feeling that I am gaining something.........the feeling of being a rebel, not led by hordes. Life cannot be lead according to dictums dictated by this world.

Others cannot decide what the right path is for me.

I am not a prisoner in someone else’s life.