A Random Diary

I sit here, idle, alone, thinking about future, thinking about past……thinking about life. I think about my family, I think about my friends…..about all those moments. Moments filled with success, failures. I think about how things will shape up. I feel hopeful, I feel doomed. I know past is gone and I know no one knows the future.
At times I feel lonely but this phase will pass and I know I will look back and cherish these days.

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My prelim exam is tomorrow. So many friends have called me to say best of luck. I do not know whether I liked it or not, I felt strange. They made me realize that something important was coming up, and those two hours mattered. I am not restless, but I don’t know how to react.
I was thinking why my friends called me and I felt all of us are alone. We all need occasions to talk to, to feel that we are together, in this new real world, out of IIT.

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The Exam is over. I feel it did not go well but I know I have fared better than others. My mind is never ready to believe that I will not succeed. I feel excited, life looks changed and I have to get ready for another assignment.

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Today I got the news that my paper is cancelled. And everyone consoled me ‘so what your exam did not go very well, its good for you. But I knew I would have qualified and now I shall have to waste another one month. I am not depressed.
I have the gut feeling that I will get through all these…I have to.

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Met my maternal grandparents today, nearly after two years.
They are old, and whenever I meet them, I have the feeling that this may be our last meeting. I remember the times when summer holidays used to be fun, only because of them, because of the kite, the cold water from well, the ride of a bullock cart, getting up with the sunrise and smell of morning air. Life looked bliss and all I wanted was that my summer vacations never end.
Now things have changed, so have aspirations. These things no longer fascinate me. I do not know whether I love my grandparents or not, but they long to see me, and that makes me feel guilty that why I do not feel for them