Friday, May 26, 2006

A Random Diary

I sit here, idle, alone, thinking about future, thinking about past……thinking about life. I think about my family, I think about my friends…..about all those moments. Moments filled with success, failures. I think about how things will shape up. I feel hopeful, I feel doomed. I know past is gone and I know no one knows the future.
At times I feel lonely but this phase will pass and I know I will look back and cherish these days.


My prelim exam is tomorrow. So many friends have called me to say best of luck. I do not know whether I liked it or not, I felt strange. They made me realize that something important was coming up, and those two hours mattered. I am not restless, but I don’t know how to react.
I was thinking why my friends called me and I felt all of us are alone. We all need occasions to talk to, to feel that we are together, in this new real world, out of IIT.


The Exam is over. I feel it did not go well but I know I have fared better than others. My mind is never ready to believe that I will not succeed. I feel excited, life looks changed and I have to get ready for another assignment.


Today I got the news that my paper is cancelled. And everyone consoled me ‘so what your exam did not go very well, its good for you. But I knew I would have qualified and now I shall have to waste another one month. I am not depressed.
I have the gut feeling that I will get through all these…I have to.

Met my maternal grandparents today, nearly after two years.
They are old, and whenever I meet them, I have the feeling that this may be our last meeting. I remember the times when summer holidays used to be fun, only because of them, because of the kite, the cold water from well, the ride of a bullock cart, getting up with the sunrise and smell of morning air. Life looked bliss and all I wanted was that my summer vacations never end.
Now things have changed, so have aspirations. These things no longer fascinate me. I do not know whether I love my grandparents or not, but they long to see me, and that makes me feel guilty that why I do not feel for them

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