Friday, October 05, 2007

Prisoners of the Past

She had really loved Abhay. It was just a three week affair. They had met in a party and things clicked as they normally do in fairy tales. He was the perfect sort of guy she had imagined. When a lifetime also turns out to be less to know a person, they decided that there is no reason why they should not get married.

That was the beginning of problems . Her parents were against it, his parents were against it, adding to it even Abhay looked indecisive. When she got an accusing call from Abhay’s parents, having all that stuff about fooling their son; and he was still not ready to come in her support, she called it quit.

Never again, she would do such a thing to herself; she would never fall in love; it was a promise she made to herself. She decided to spend all her time in work, so as to forget the past, so as to forget herself. Being a workaholic was fun. Somehow she loved lines of a song ‘Ye Shehar Bhoola Mujhe, main bhi ise bhool gaya.’

While working she was assigned a project with another colleague of her, Dhruva. He was a different kind of person. By different she meant the kinds whose heart remain pure and unadulterated by this world. He was….what she should say….simple. The beauty of simplicity can be appreciated only if you find one.

She liked talking with him. He never asked probing questions, he never gave suggestions. She could just be herself with him. Things started turning out good. She started sharing all her thoughts with him, even the darkest corners of her mind about Abhay. She was scared of that, but Dhruva surprisingly made it all easier for her. He made her believe all that happened was none of her fault.

They liked spending time together. She tried everything she wanted to do, but had never done. One day they drank together. After that they chatted, laughed, cried, watched stars and were awake till dawn. That day she sat calmly, feeling a sense of serenity she missed for years, keeping her head on his shoulders.

Next day, for some reason she was confused. Something inside her was seeking answers. She explained to herself, Dhruva was just a friend, he would never have those feelings for her.

That day again Abhay called. Though it was just a friendly call, he did not forget to mention his plans of marriage and how good his fiancé was. In a way he blamed her for everything that went wrong. She did not say anything to him, just tried to be composed.

But after an hour it became unbearable. She was no longer able to remain alone. She wanted to scream, to smash her head on the wall. Then she called Dhruva. When he was there, she did not say anything to him. She just said I want to hug you. She hugged him and remained like that for more than an hour. No, not a word was whispered. They just went out on a long drive that day.

After that, it became difficult for her to remain without meeting Dhruva for a day. They were together most of the time. Yes, she repeated to herself he was just a friend, he must never have thought anything about her.

And then it happened. Dhruva’s eyes were saying something from many days which she chose to ignore, or never wanted to believe. But one day when she asked him, his reply was simple. He smiled and said; I love you.

But, she did not accept, she did not refuse. She was angry that he did this when he knew that she wanted never to fall in love again. She was happy because she never thought that she was worth him. But then she did not want things to change.

After that day she did not ask him anything again, she dared not to. She just pretended that nothing has happened and things continued.

As far as I know, the status is still the same.

PS: Please do tell me what you think will happen in future. And do I need to tell that I was nowhere involved in this story :)


jyoti said...

Life seems to be straight when u love someone but its seldom so....reality is different from perceptions......the logical conclusion of ur post seems to be ,both of the persons getting married but logic always dont work in life ....i pray for the lady yet
it is difficult to guess at this stage ,how the life will unfold it before the two....

Saagar said...

You have good story telling abilities Anurag, u shud seriously consider writing another Harry Potter kind of story with a romantic outlook :) Coming to the story I think, she got to decide what she wants to do with her life, because what a woman wants is to be let by herself to make her own decisions in life.. If he pushes for love and marriage, she will move farther and farther saying men are pigs, but left alone, she would realize some day that she can't stay alone forever and who else is better for her than him...

Anurag Srivastava said...

@jyoyi: Very true. But personally I am having my sympathies with Dhruva. He is made to suffer for no fault of his.

@saagar: Thanks for the compliment. I think a romantic harry potter would be a deadly combo;now when JK Rowling has stopped the Potter series :)

Though the thing that you said about gils is probably true, again I am amazed why no one is bothering about Druva. I would have felt that he is too good for the girl...But Love is stupid and perhaps that is the beauty of it.

Hari said...

Anurag going by u r narration , I presume she is using(no offence meant ) Dhruva just to fill the emotional void created by Abhay while Dhruva has genuine feelings for her.

An emotionally stable (relatively) and simple guy has been dragged into emotional net. She can’t just keep things dragging saying or thinking that she isn’t worth him when his feelings about are clearand genuine . It is high time she stops vacillating and decides something.

Hard to predict what happens in future since she is calling all the shots but my sympathies are with Dhruva . But with or without her I wish a happy ending to Dhruva. Probably a few years down the line he can be happy having won over heart or share this tale with her soul mate telling how foolish and silly he was having feelings for someone who just wants to fill the emotional void created by her former boyfriend . Now it all boils down to her value system

Arpit said...

Hey Anurag, great blogs. Keep up the good work.

darius said...

have u heard this song by guns n' roses - november rain? it fits them beautifully..

Anurag Srivastava said...

@Hari: Though I did not put it, but I also feel the same. And I am really sorry for Dhruva that he has unknowingly ventured into all this.

But you know what, Dhruva tells me that it is not possible(and more painful than this) for him to get out of this and he will keep on doing what she wishes him to do :(

@Arpit: Thanks dost

@Darius: No I heard it for the first time and yes it exactly fits.

You keep on amazing me, but I think I have to let it be like this :)

praveen said...

"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's - That's because she changes it more often."


I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.



darius said...

isnt it a beautiful song? one of my all time favs. amazing u how??? i was thinking about your previous reply to me - ud said u were done trying to figure me out.. so im thinking instead of openly walking up to u and introducing myself, i'll just wait for the time when some thing incidental reveals all for us, wouldnt that be more fun??

anu said...

hmm i would like to continue this way:

....Oneday dhruva was assigned an important project. so he left abroad. she is now all-alone. she starts thinking of him every minute..she realises how much she needs him in her she is clear, she can't live without at the nite when he calls her, she cries terribly and expresses her love...after his return, both gets united in marital bond :)

Anurag Srivastava said...

@Praveen: Nice quotes, but had my class on gender sensitisation today, so I will not dare say that they are correct :)

@Darius: you, not the song amazing me :).I am ready to 'wait' for the fun, lets hope its not endless :P

@Anu: Nice ending indeed. I hope something like this happens soon.

Remembered this song by your comment

'Na jaane kyon,
hota hai yun zindagi ke saath,
achanak ye man

kisi ke jaane ke baad,
kare phir uski yaad,
choti-2 si baat'

Chandana said...

I dun think u knw wht's on the woman's mind completely....hw can u? it violates the law of uncertainity...the moment u figure it changes :P!

anu said...

i have a doubt over here....why is the title.."prisoners of the past" is choosen for this one.....

Anurag Srivastava said...

@Chandana: I am happy a girl has admitted it :)

@anu: Are'nt they prisoners of the past. Everything she is doing is determined by what happened to her in the past. She has not yet come out of it and they both have become prisoners of her past.

More or less are'nt we all prisoners of our past at certain points of our life.

praveen said...

> More or less are'nt we all
> prisoners of our past at certain
> points of our life.

i second third and fourth you :-)

Dhruva said...

Everyone is trying to justify their doings some way or other, probably it helps them with their Ego.
But what if the girl still loves Abhay and admits to Dhruva that she never hides anything from Abhay or may be she never loved Abhay or Dhruva but she cares for both of them or may be Dhruva, himself, is not worthy of her as she sees the world in a broader way then Dhruva and on the other hand Dhruva is just trying to see the world in a way he wants to see. Then probably its Dhruva's fault that he is not able to control his feelings. But I guess Dhruva has made up his mind that he will ask her regarding their relationship in a more mature way so that nobody will get hurt in the future.
And I have to admit that 'November Rain' nicely describes the situation :-)

bhups said...

Well said Anurag... :) but probably this is one side of the story... nobody, except Dhruva, knows the other side. So it is not fair to blame the girl, and as Dhruva has said that she admitted regarding her feelings or may be care for Abhaya to Dhruva, so up to some extent one can blame him for being so unpractical... at first place, knowing all this, he shouldn't had fallen in love with the girl yet he did so he should be held responsible for whatever bad happens in future...

Anurag Srivastava said...

@All: See even Dhruva is here commenting giving the first hand information :-)

@Praveen: Thanks for seconding, thirding and forthing me :)

@Dhruva: I am ecstatic to see your comment.

Now I cannot say anything, as you are the actor and may be director of events in future. And I am sorry for my speculations and judgements and those of comments made by my readers. The truth is, I never imagined you will come here :)

But now when you are, please keep us, or at least me updated about what happens in future.

And best of luck for success in your mature way, lookink truly forward to it.

@Bhups: I think you may be correct. Perhaps we dont know other side of the story and I may have portrayed the events in a wrong way.

You know I have a bias for Dhruva, as he is a dear friend whom I cannot see in trouble, that too because of a girl :). So I still maintain that its high time that Dhruva get it all clear. Have you heard this one

Dil bhi ek zid pe ada hai, Kisi bacche ki tarah
Ya to sab kuch hi ise chahiye ya, Kuch bhi nahin

sree said...

Hi Anurag, this story is not new but I am suprised to see Druv's appearance. I would like to share a line quoted by my school teacher. God gives us a snowwhite paper to us. we soil the paper and go requesting for onemore copy.But it's already late. I consider life too like a white paper. The pair is well aware of their matured relation. Druv's comment proves this. I wish a happy ending to them

Anurag Srivastava said...

@Shree: I too was surprised to see Dhruva. He was totally unaware that a blog has been written on him :)

Anyways, to tell you the updates, Dhruva has told her everything in plain words, they have discussed the matter for days and you know what, status is still the same, they again pretend that nothing has happened :)

Anonymous said...

great narration skills... yet anothet chetan bhagat!! :-)

avinash said...

they will still remain the same until unless one of them takes the step forward to claim that this is what is called love.

the insecurities of both the girl and the boy can't be erased so easily.the boy is afraid that he's going to lose her and the girl is afraid that she might get hurt.

Debu said...

its too late ask or comment anything but i just can't stop myself to ask is it really a FICTION????
or its a real story ;)

anyways i sincerely support Dhruva because he is a good guy and a friend also(acc to the girl)...
the girl is extremely lucky to have him in her life...

tell me what happen now to dhruva if its a true story....
um waiting.... :)

Just Simple said...

@Debu: Status is almost still the same.

Dhruba has started frequently bringing in the topic of I love you's and Marry me's.

The girl,like all other girls, is in the thinking mode, and is still trying to keep Dhruba in 'Cant we just be friends' status :)

freshblossoms said...

great.. simply i was amazed to read smthin like dis.. n may i say there r many such stories around.. m glad u put it so clearly..
true, the PAST doesnt let most of us to look at present n future uninhibitedly..may they both realise that what they are having now is worth a lot more than the memory of something more in the distant past!