On Being Self-Reliant!

You were not taken by surprise this time. When the new task of becoming self-reliant was announced, you had already aced the game by then.

Your office made you self-reliant first. It decided to enforce lockdown on office staff and then asked you to ensure entire office’s job. You never realized you were so important in mankind’s struggle against corona virus. Everyday you felt like going to war expecting your wife to put tilak on your forehead. When you came back, everyone had the glance of ‘this is the person who can bring back corona virus’. You sat in office for days in company of masks and sanitizers and washed your hand with soap, then disinfected it with sanitizer and then cleansed the sanitizer bottle with sanitizer. 

You were introduced to a world of Zoom VCs where ‘Am I audible’ accounted for 75% of words. You became an expert in entertaining yourself and laugh out aloud when participants displayed nasal hairs, showed closeup of their ears or tried to cross over to the other side of computer screen by coming close to the camera. 

Your sons also became self-reliant. Their schools started classes online and they could manage all their homework during the lockdown. They learnt the art of all arts and started copy pasting from internet with panache. They became explorers of digital devices and soon every gadget had versions of exotic computer viruses they sheltered them with pride. Since lockdown meant both of them stayed indoors, you became expert in deciding who won their boxing bouts. 

Your parents became corona experts. They found new cures averaging 2.7 in a day and between your family WhatsApp group, there were more than 10001 cures of Corona Virus. They also knew by heart, virtues of each ayurvedic medicine/Vitamins. You realized there was nothing new in Social distancing and you have led a socially distant life but your family learnt the art of being in a group even while being apart. They mingled with frenzied flat owners and joined competition of banging utensils or shining torchlights in this Corona War. 

You never knew entire body building could be done inside the house. You could work up your biceps mopping floors and you could do all the stretching with broom in hand. You also became an innovator and designed ergonomically better Brooms and Mops. You relished in praising yourself on sparkling floors and claimed pro level but your better half could still show you fifteen missed spots. 

Since everyone was becoming self-sufficient, your housing society decided it could not be left behind. It decided to interpret convoluted lockdown circulars in their own stride and found thirty-three explanations for each clause. There was a silent competition in RWAs to decide who was bigger Hitler in the town. They decided which essential item was essential at what time and when one was supposed to wear a mask and who was required to take a sanitizer bath. Residents found new ways to humiliate by clicking pictures of those walking out and naming/shaming them on WhatsApp. 

Everyone could locate bacteria/viruses and they had 1001 ideas about where virus could hide. People poured disinfectant in the drains, they threw disinfectant on the road and battery of all microorganisms/insects cursed Corona Virus. People took smaller breaths in the lift, used toothpicks to push lift buttons and then lost sleep imagining if even those had a human touch. Sound of coughing/sneezing in the vicinity created tremors of flight and there were thermal guns at every check point. 

People also became independent in finding cause of Covid-19. Some found it in bats, some in Chinese labs and many saw it emerging like all other evils (and ably aided by news channels), in particular creeds. 

After valiantly fighting Corona Virus for so many days, everyone was self-reliant. They could explain it was for their own protection to stay indoors when there were 100 cases. They now also knew it was for their own good to go out and embrace the world when more than 1,00,000 were carrying Corona Virus. 

You felt you could either laugh or cry but then decided to recommend Edgar Allan Poe’s ‘The Masque of Red Death’ to everyone who could read this far!Y