Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Waiting…….to Graduate

Do not confuse it with the degree. I have one. My problem is something else.

In my high school, I discovered that I had grown. I was no longer a kid. I looked back at myself and thought what a child I was. I could look at the world with a different perspective. I felt the change in my parents, in my relatives in the way they took me. Then I thought how great it would feel to graduate.

I had dreams of growing big, having an identity….. a mature identity. When I looked at others who were in their twenties, I felt that was actually the time when someone's life begins. But that was not to be.

Today I feel that my mental growth stopped somewhere in between. I think exactly like I thought in class X. The way the world looked then, it's exactly the same. It is the same obsession for girls, same complexes, same envy, and same fears. I bet had I been writing this blog then, it would have been exactly the same. It is the same way I adulated 'biggies' and always felt to be a lesser mortal.

I do not know when I will 'graduate'. If I try to feel within myself that I am in my twenties I am scared. At this stage, I dread maturing.

No comments: