Ek Choti Si (Love?) Story

He wondered what happened when they went on a vacation. Was it just about the place, or did they behave differently from their formal daily selves?

They were in Darjeeling, and he had always been in love with this place. It was more about discovering the unknown; there were still new surprises about this place. He must admit though that he felt a pinch of pain when he visited the place. It had given him immense love once upon a time, and every time he was back, he doubted if it would still love him the same.

Having spent three days in the hustle and bustle of Darjeeling, they decided to go to Joey's pub. It was an eclectic place known for its selection of Beatles music and was a hit with foreign tourists. The place had changed from last time; it had more light, and in place of jazz and pop, there was a football match on. A group of male foreign tourists was rooting for their teams.

He tried to find the old Joey's pub in the newly renovated place, but his attention was captured by a beautiful girl who was now comfortably sitting opposite him at another table. She was a local and was accompanied by her male friend (boyfriend?). He couldn't help but notice her stylish sense, and his eyes got transfixed. She noticed him looking at her.

Now she was doing different things. She took off her jacket and was wearing a lacy top; there was also a tattoo beneath. She opened her hair and started playing with them gently, posing for pictures that her male friend clicked. Their eyes met many more times, and he was confident this was more than a coincidence.

He left his table and went to the smoking room (he was there with his group). Within minutes, the girl dragged her boyfriend to the smoking room (the manner in which she had control over him told him that he was not just a friend). She stood within a foot's distance and had an animated conversation with him. He was more confident now, and his gaze stayed on her for a longer time. He knew that she was well aware.

He lit another cigarette to buy more time; she did the same. It had now become a game, and no one else was aware. His friend joined the smoking room with his wife, and they reminded him that he was yet to finish his pint. The smoking room became crowded, and he came out; the girl did the same.

The bar closed at 10 pm, but he delayed finishing his beer. She also held on, and after a long wait when nothing happened, her boyfriend coaxed her to finish. His friends also wanted to leave as the barman was already turning off the lights.

They left together, and she was now walking in front of him. She held on tightly to her boyfriend, putting her head on his shoulders and drawing him close. He was sure she was fully aware that he could see everything. It was a message that he must be punished for not reaching out, and he accepted his destiny. They slowly parted ways; he wondered if there could have been a different ending. She came in his dream that night, and by the next day, she just remained a pleasant memory. Darjeeling had its strange ways of expressing its love for him.

The Bridge and the Train

    The train journey began at six in the morning and I had to rise early at four o'clock to make it on time. As I stepped outside, the chilly morning air greeted me and I regretted my decision to take the train. However, the traffic at the railway station was a close call, and I breathed a sigh of relief as I settled into my window seat and the train started moving. 

    The landscape changed rapidly, and soon the bustling city of Kolkata was behind us. The two iron tracks glided swiftly over the crushed stones, converging and diverging with speed and I marvelled at the smooth movement of the heavy train. The fog outside gave the world a mystical quality, and the gentle swaying of the train brought back fond memories. I felt a strong sense of nostalgia as if I had seen it all before. I had seen these vehicles waiting patiently at the railway crossings and children outside waving goodbye. I had also seen these large tracts of fields with lush green harvests and white lilies blooming in water bodies. 

    My father’s job brought him from his mofussil town to a far-off township. This place had neatly constructed quarters with playgrounds in between and large chimneys of the thermal power plant that could be seen from all around. Our family moved miles but we kept on going back and train journeys helped us maintain that link. For nine months we lived in the cosmopolitan township where people had gathered from different regions. Most of them had roots in places like ourselves and they talked about villages and farms that sounded like the place where my grandparents lived. We spent three months of summer holidays with them and undertook two long train journeys for it. 

    I remember waiting at the platform for hours with the sounds of coolies and trains passing by. When it became cold I comfortably lazed in my mother’s lap. If it was my lucky day, I also bought a toy along with some magazines that were always allowed. I never liked sharing things and fought with my sister who will get the window seat. You always wanted the view of the direction in which the train moved and those who got the window of the opposite side were doomed for the entire journey. Today train journeys are few and I cannot fight with my toddler sons to take the window seat; I felt relieved they were not there today with me.  

    As the train crossed a bridge, I hummed the lines by Dushyant Kumar: 

    Tu kisi rail si guzarti hai, 

    Main kisi pul sa thartharata hoon 

    Can the feeling of love when everything looks beautiful and butterflies flutter in the stomach ever be expressed more beautifully?  

    We crossed the Son River on our journeys, and the sight of the vast and beautiful yet menacing riverbed has stayed with me. The sound of the train on the bridge still evokes feelings of awe, fear, and excitement. There is no experience quite like a train crossing a bridge, just as there is no romance quite like life itself. 

    The pace of the train journeys was peaceful, just like the pace of life at that time. We exchanged magazines with fellow travellers, learned about their lives, and made friends. We always brought food for the journey and often shared it with these new-found strangers turned friends. I waited for railway stations when ice cream vendors came and we relished in the small pleasures of life. My father used to get off the train to fill up the water bottle, causing us all to worry about the train starting before he returned.  

    At times, the train would halt in desolate areas for hours, and we would simply look outside. At other times, when another train crossed from the opposite direction, we relished in the thrill of speed. 

    
    Back then, train journeys were a regular occurrence in our lives, but as I grew older and moved away, air travel took the place of these soothing journeys. Today, I was grateful to have taken the train. It felt like someone reminded me from a time that passed by that life is beautiful in so many ways.  We just need to keep our eyes open to look for beauty. 

Let’s Give Back to Society!

People say nothing gives more joy in life than giving back to society. You decide to serve humanity and start zeroing in on what you will give back to society.

You believe that children are the future of society, and you start teaching. You play with the kids to build a bond with them, but soon you realize that the games they play are boring, and neither the kids nor their parents are happy. The kids think you're bad at games, and their parents are not sure if you're a good influence. You decide to teach, but the children's books have information that is hard to explain. One plus one has been two since the beginning, and you become agitated when the kids question it. They say that not only are you bad at games, but you don't know mathematics. Even your own children opt out of your voluntary contribution to society.

You then decide to bring poetry to people, believing that it will redeem a society that has lost touch with love and beauty. You invite guests to a party, and once they become spirited, you start reciting poetry from Ghalib and Makhdoom Mohiuddin. You explain to them about love, separation, and unrequited love, but they're not prepared to take it in. They're either flabbergasted or start laughing. No one is in the middle ground, and you sense imminent furore with people breaking out in angry singing. Poetry has become a chore, and you are tolerating them more than they're tolerating you.

You then decide to motivate people, and an NGO for the homeless agrees to let you give lectures to the inmates. They ask you what they should do with their lives, and you reply, "whatever you like." They remind you that they've already been doing whatever they liked and it landed them in this home listening to your lectures, which is not exactly their idea of success in life. Some depressed people ask you what the point of this life is, and you get into deep thinking. This NGO isn't now so sure that you're the kind of motivation they want to instil in these people.

You feel society is not accepting what you offer because you need to teach them something that you are best at and no one else can beat you. You realise that would be wasting time and not many may waste time to learn about it.

It's difficult to find something that society is willing to accept from you. You make YouTube videos about your mundane life, but everyone is bored with their lives and refuses to waste more time in their life. You try to write stories, but you end up spending time in your own company. Only your wife has read your work, and now often asks you to give back those minutes of her life that she spent reading. She also tells you that by sparing the world the pleasure of your company, you are giving it back to society. You know she's joking, but you keep doubting.

This ping-pong continues for some days, but then you decide it's a loss to society. You then try to give back humour to society; you're still not sure if they will accept it!

On Aphorisms and Youth!

I love aphorisms. They are the best examples of the use of language and make you realize deep truths; they also establish your reputation in wisecracks. The same goes with Urdu Shayari; one can impress many by reciting a relevant (or maybe not) couplet. 

One couplet of Jaun Eliya has stayed with me:

ज़िंदगी एक फ़न है लम्हों को 

अपने अंदाज़ से गँवाने का

It may mean that the art of life is only in doing things you like. One should never live anyone else’s life; many will feel inspired by this in following their passion. Beauty is one can derive the meaning that one wants. If it doesn’t inspire you, the couplet can mean it is okay to waste time but have your way to do it. If you prefer this meaning, you would also love another aphorism: ‘time enjoyed wasting is not wasted time. 

If you insist on my take on this couplet, I bring another aphorism to my rescue. Oscar Wilde said all art is quite useless and this was a sort of revolution at that time. It means the objective of art (and aphorisms/couplets) is just an expression of a beautiful art form. Some things are just for enjoyment, one should avoid finding usefulness in everything. 

A quote often attributed to George Bernard Shaw has got me thinking: ‘Youth is wasted on the Young.’ This gave rise to many questions; is this true, am I young and did I also get caught up in this?

A memory that I often repent of flashed up immediately. There was a beautiful day in Paris and I was there for a couple of days in my early twenties. I felt extremely tired and the choice was to go out to explore or crash out on the couch. The choice was easy for me and I spent the day sleeping. My younger self never even felt that I might not be there again soon. It has been more than twenty years and I am still to visit the city again. As and when there is a time machine delivering messages, I would tell my younger self to prefer exploring Paris over snoring. 

Before the scenario looks gloomy, my optimistic self assures me that I did crack two of the toughest exams (IIT and IAS) in my youth so I probably did not completely waste it. Leaving the humour aside, we often miss giving importance to things when time is on our side. Young are confident that life is only a one-way uphill drive and you can catch up with whatever you leave behind. 

Does the question also remain what is youth? Is it the age when your hair is not grey, your waistline has not yet started bulging and you are in your teens or twenties? Is youth having immense physical energy and unbounded dreams? Is youth falling in love, picking up new hobbies or not being afraid to take risks? Or maybe youth is an insatiably desire to explore whatever is on offer in this life? 

It is said, When our memories outweigh our dreams, it is then that we become old.' I carry my share of good-bad memories but they still in no way outweigh my dreams. So, I have my answer now. 

When I am in doubt, I read these lines by Javed Akhtar:

दिलों में तुम अपनी बेताबियाँ लेके चल रहे हो, तो ज़िंदा हो तुम

नज़र में ख्वाबों की बिजलियाँ लेके चल रहे हो, तो ज़िंदा हो तुम

हवा के झोकों के जैसे आज़ाद रहना सीखो

तुम एक दरियाँ के जैसे लहरों में बहना सीखो

हर एक लम्हें से तुम मिलो खोले अपनी बाहें

हर एक पल एक नया समा देखे यह निगाहें

जो अपनी आँखों में हैरानियाँ लेके चल रहे हो, तो ज़िंदा हो तुम

दिलों में तुम अपनी बेताबियाँ लेके चल रहे हो, तो ज़िंदा हो तुम

What is your definition of youth?

To Covid, With Love!

 Dear Covid,

 I cannot even believe that it is going to be our second anniversary; the entire credit goes to your mutant agility. I would be economical with the truth if I don’t concede that we tried our best to shut you out but like a real dogged lover, you were determined to be with humanity. I realize we are destined to be together for a lifetime so let me open my heart, my dearest Covid.

        We imposed lockdowns, created hurdles of geographical boundaries to not let you in but you never left our pursuit. We often banged utensils and shouted ‘Go Corona Go’ on the streets, we made people bathe in sanitizing tunnels and sprayed gallons of toxic chemicals all around but there you were, just amused at the infallibility of human stupidity.

        I was scared of you in the beginning. Yes, I do prefer seas to the mountains but that did not mean you would always come in waves. There were Delta and Omicron and it was no fun surfing these.

        Of course, there were good parts of our relationship. You have put my mind at ease as earlier there used to be hundreds of unknown diseases to be dealt with. A fever could have meant dengue or a bacterial infection and a bout of loose motions or body ache matched myriads of fancy ailments on the internet but now all discomforts lead to Covid. Often when I do not feel anything, it might be the asymptomatic you. People think about you more than they think of their spouses.

        Yes, I do not like going to the market with my wife but that did not mean you had to keep everyone indoors for such a long time. Do not openly display your favoritism for the asocial people!

        All of us had become selfish and mean and often forgot to acknowledge the almighty. You reminded us of our frailty and brought us closer to God. You also reminded us how closely we are all connected. A sample of our species hanky pankied with a bat in China and there you were, knocking off humans and embracing all countries.

        You gave us a new language to communicate. Our youth was getting lost in social media memes and the elders were busy exchanging treasures of WhatsApp knowledge but you taught us a common vocabulary. Everybody had her own cure for Covid and now grand aunts and toddlers discuss zillion ways to treat Covid. Let me tell you the title of my next book is ‘One Thousand one ways of treating Covid’. Please stop smiling.

        Because of you, I now do not have any vitamin deficiencies. I have improved upon my immunity through Allopathic, potions of homeopathic and bitter seeds of ayurvedic medicines. My liver and kidney cry more than they do filtering spirits but I am sure my body now has minerals that may not even exist.

        I am also impressed by the immense respect you garnered in such a short time. Diseases that have been with humanity for hundreds of years shudder seeing you and worry that any spray of sanitizers may kill them when people are just acknowledging Covid.

        And after two years of our relationship, stop being a jealous lover who cannot get enough of humanity. People thought you would come once or twice but you never get bored of our bodies. Even vaccines are unable to keep you at bay.

        Love is good but do not overdo it. Be mild and live like an occasional epidemic, not a pandemic. Live and let live!

        Sick of you,

         Humanity

1 Article You Must Read Before Turning 120

               

                 “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces” said Will Rogers; you realise this man knew you well. Of course woods are lovely, dark and deep and you always rated sleep above everything else. You take a vow to succeed this time and not rest till you have checked all the boxes.   

         You ask Google what makes a person successful and it immediately presents Thirty books that you should read before you turn Thirty. You start checking the titles and you have read twenty nine. The moment you pick up the thirtieth book to become accomplished in life, your wife reminds you are nearing forty.  Deflating balloons has been this woman’s hobby. 

         She shows you another article about 12 mesmerising tourist places that you must visit before you die. You read the article attentively and discuss places but chuckle inside; why would a person try to complete this list and what would they wait for when they have visited all these paces. 

         By now, you have spent enough time on the Google and the Artificial Intelligence  jumps in joy shouting it knows what this man is looking in life. It bombards you with similar recommendations. You are told about 100 Movies that you should watch in your lifetime, you are asked to see 7 Motivational speeches and also 11 ways to remember names of people (why me Lord/AI?). 

         It puts neighbourhood aunts to shame in broadcasting secrets and in an instant Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn starts yelling numbers at you. Twitter tells you about 12 habits that will increase your wealth twelve times (did they discover my bank balance too?) and Facebook tells 6 healthy diets for a healthy life ( Wifey I know this is you). When you open LinkedIn is tells you about 21 Ways to succeed in life. 

         You challenge AI to surprise you but it is hardly intelligent if not stupid. It keeps relishing in repetitive data that it generates.  You tell about the fallacy of number systems and the undue importance it is giving to the decimal system. You tell in today’s age one deals in binaries of 1 and 0. You ask AI to check the system in which it computes and also refer to the title of this article. 

         Next day you start getting emails from numerologists about your lucky number and how they will help you in not sleeping in the woods. You blame the AI for tracking your number system study. You also give up your efforts to find success on Google.

 

 

Eklavya in the Modern Times!

 

                If we can be certain of improving at least one thing from the past, it can be efficiency in human transactions. Even before Adam Smith could articulate the invisible hand of the market, people learnt to make better deals than they did in the ancient times.

         Take the case of Eklavya of the Mahabharata fame. He practised in front of the statue of Dronacharya and aced archery better than Arjuna. I doubt there was any contractual/copyright liability but he did offer Dronacharya anything (was it his vanity?) as Gurudakshina, a tribute for training. Now comes the part that does not make sense, Dronacharya asked for his right thumb. I wonder what utility could a dead thumb give and more I think about a lifeless blood-soaked thumb in custody of Dronacharya, gory things come to mind. Would he have displayed it proudly in his office or would he have given it to someone as a souvenir? I guess had Dronacharya been business wise, he could have asked Eklavya never to compete against Arjun, or to always lose even if he did. Maybe he could have altogether given up Arjuna and an even better Magnum Opus would have appeared in place of Mahabharata.

         Despite the not so good ending, the above story proves India’s ability to have achieved every feat in the ancient age. This was our ancient version of commercialising Education, a feat that many institutions could master today. Not simply that, this was also an example of remote learning, an idea EdTech enterprises are trying out now.

         Many modern Dronacharyas are in the fray and Arjuna gets no monopoly over learning. Some Dronacharyas still sought blood in the form of hefty fees in lieu of issuing a certificate. Courses from Coursera, EdX still thought there was no difference between dollar and rupees; probably they were yet to discover the idea of Purchasing Power parity. There were also free avenues from Twitter/YouTube courtesy the money of dear Venture Capitalists. VC is a breed we all need to be deeply indebted. Sometime or the other, they did pay for our freebee.

         When yours truly tried to study in the Ivy Leagues, they did admit but sought more than just kidneys (read tuition fees) to study. EdTech came to the rescue in my quest for knowledge and best professors from across the world appeared on my computer screen. Today I have learnt more by sitting in front of the computer screen that I have from physical classrooms. You can make a virtual Dronacharya repeat something a zillion times and they do not get irritated. You can also reject many or leave them mid-way and they do not seem to mind. The best thing is lack of structure and one can dwell in diverse subjects. A recent wonder that I discovered is a podcast and the list of avenues is unending. We love anything that is free and what can be better than Education that has a positive externality.

         Coming back to the efficiency of modern times, Eklavya and Dronacharyas are collaborating now to create value for both the parties. Dear Arjuna, practice hard; you will have much more competition in the modern times. Also, Dronacharya now can make a much better deal!

How Less Can Be More!

         A child expects that her parents are omnipotent. She expects and demands everything from them and at times, parents surprise with what they can do for the child. In a democracy, citizens like petulant child expect the same from the government. Unfortunately, this time the consequences are not that good for both.

           We always want perfect solutions and Government comes across as the Santa Clause that fulfils all wishes. For e.g. when we want to control crime against women, Government is expected to come out with the harshest laws that gives severest punishment to the perpetrator of the crime. So far, so good; but then comes the issue of capability. Do we have enough policemen to file a perfect charge sheet in the court and scientifically collect and preserve the evidence? A cursory glance at number of policemen per one lakh population and the images of any court Maal khana would tell world is far from perfect. Harshest punishment also means guilt is established beyond doubt and ultimately, we end up finding most accused not guilty.
           My premise is that citizen expect everything from the government and in a competitive electoral polity, the government promises; without considering if it has the capability to deliver it. Let us take our labor laws as an example. Their formulation must be best in the world, which may even put developed countries to shame. There are penalties for paying less than mandated wage, daily and weekly limits for hours of work and compensation/punishment for accidents due to employers’ negligence. What we fail to put in place before is a perfect measure that can enforce it. The end result is arbitrary power in the hand of labor inspector for rent seeking. The labor laws end up hurting both the workers and the industry.
           A policy is as good as its implementation mechanism. Government systems have their limitations and passing a law in the parliament may not change it. We need properly trained people on the ground implementing polices, technical support to assist it and grievance redressal mechanism to address problems if any. If a scheme is simple and its outcome is easily measurable, it can be enforced on ground. A best scheme that promises everything has more change of failing on ground that a good enough scheme with limited objectives.
           The premise is that less can be more in such circumstances. If we have reasonable expectations from the Government, we may end up getting more. Responsible Governments may also estimate implementing capability and resist from promising the moon to the citizenry!

Mind is Restless Krishna!

The mock interview panel stared at me and there I was, sweating, stammering and uttering incoherent words. Bored faces of panel members betrayed the impression that I made. This was the third mock interview that I had bombed. 

UPSC Civil Service exam process lasts for more than a year from the time you apply for prelims and when the final results come. I had done pretty well before, crossing hurdles of prelims and mains in my maiden attempt and now after getting an interview call, I dreamt of topping the exam. I was confident that it could only be a northwards graph from here on.

But then came mock interviews and my performance was a disaster. My confident, articulate self was nowhere to be found and this needed to change fast. My strategy was not working and I reread what UPSC wrote about the interview: Personality Test is not a cross-examination but a natural, though directed and purposive conversation which is intended to reveal the mental qualities of the candidate. 

I took a complete break and asked myself what was going on. I went on long walks, sat quietly for hours to introspect and reflect.And one morning while I was walking near a temple, I heard the shloka that cleared my doubts:

कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते मा फलेषु कदाचन ।
मा कर्मफलहेतुर्भुर्मा ते संगोऽस्त्वकर्मणि ॥

You have the right to work only but never to its fruits

Let not fruits of action be your motive, nor let your attachment be to inaction

I was attaching too much importance on my result. I wanted to control the future, and thus I wanted to control everything else. It was difficult to get detached but then it made sense that other than doing my karma to the best of my ability, I could not do anything else. I internalised it and I did not get nervous during the real interview. I also cleared the exam and joined Indian Administrative Service (IAS). 

Men are mortal and who can put all their efforts in something and not be worried about the results. Even today, I have a restless state of mind but I understand my limitations now. The verse though that is resonating now is one of Ghalib:

                                      phir kuchh ik dil ko be-qarārī hai

                                      siina juyā-e-zaḳhm-e-kārī hai 

                                      (My heart is again restless, it seeks a deeper wound.)

On Being Self-Reliant!

You were not taken by surprise this time. When the new task of becoming self-reliant was announced, you had already aced the game by then.

Your office made you self-reliant first. It decided to enforce lockdown on office staff and then asked you to ensure entire office’s job. You never realized you were so important in mankind’s struggle against corona virus. Everyday you felt like going to war expecting your wife to put tilak on your forehead. When you came back, everyone had the glance of ‘this is the person who can bring back corona virus’. You sat in office for days in company of masks and sanitizers and washed your hand with soap, then disinfected it with sanitizer and then cleansed the sanitizer bottle with sanitizer. 

You were introduced to a world of Zoom VCs where ‘Am I audible’ accounted for 75% of words. You became an expert in entertaining yourself and laugh out aloud when participants displayed nasal hairs, showed closeup of their ears or tried to cross over to the other side of computer screen by coming close to the camera. 

Your sons also became self-reliant. Their schools started classes online and they could manage all their homework during the lockdown. They learnt the art of all arts and started copy pasting from internet with panache. They became explorers of digital devices and soon every gadget had versions of exotic computer viruses they sheltered them with pride. Since lockdown meant both of them stayed indoors, you became expert in deciding who won their boxing bouts. 

Your parents became corona experts. They found new cures averaging 2.7 in a day and between your family WhatsApp group, there were more than 10001 cures of Corona Virus. They also knew by heart, virtues of each ayurvedic medicine/Vitamins. You realized there was nothing new in Social distancing and you have led a socially distant life but your family learnt the art of being in a group even while being apart. They mingled with frenzied flat owners and joined competition of banging utensils or shining torchlights in this Corona War. 

You never knew entire body building could be done inside the house. You could work up your biceps mopping floors and you could do all the stretching with broom in hand. You also became an innovator and designed ergonomically better Brooms and Mops. You relished in praising yourself on sparkling floors and claimed pro level but your better half could still show you fifteen missed spots. 

Since everyone was becoming self-sufficient, your housing society decided it could not be left behind. It decided to interpret convoluted lockdown circulars in their own stride and found thirty-three explanations for each clause. There was a silent competition in RWAs to decide who was bigger Hitler in the town. They decided which essential item was essential at what time and when one was supposed to wear a mask and who was required to take a sanitizer bath. Residents found new ways to humiliate by clicking pictures of those walking out and naming/shaming them on WhatsApp. 

Everyone could locate bacteria/viruses and they had 1001 ideas about where virus could hide. People poured disinfectant in the drains, they threw disinfectant on the road and battery of all microorganisms/insects cursed Corona Virus. People took smaller breaths in the lift, used toothpicks to push lift buttons and then lost sleep imagining if even those had a human touch. Sound of coughing/sneezing in the vicinity created tremors of flight and there were thermal guns at every check point. 

People also became independent in finding cause of Covid-19. Some found it in bats, some in Chinese labs and many saw it emerging like all other evils (and ably aided by news channels), in particular creeds. 

After valiantly fighting Corona Virus for so many days, everyone was self-reliant. They could explain it was for their own protection to stay indoors when there were 100 cases. They now also knew it was for their own good to go out and embrace the world when more than 1,00,000 were carrying Corona Virus. 

You felt you could either laugh or cry but then decided to recommend Edgar Allan Poe’s ‘The Masque of Red Death’ to everyone who could read this far!Y