Ripples.......

Thodi si zameen, thoda aasman
Tinkon ka bas, ek aashiyana

Lost in this world, I want my share of ‘thodi si zameen’

Life is strange and I feel that I will never be able to understand it. What is sufficient for me, why am I here. I just want to be happy and that is my ultimate aim in life. I want to dissolve myself in the magic of life. To do what I feel like, to taste everything, to feel the colors, to live, to be happy. I am restless to be where I belong to. But I do not know the path, perhaps no one does.

When will I reach my destination?

14.02.2006 that’s VALENTINE’s DAY

I being the sole interpreter, arbiter and enforcing authority of Hinduism hereby proclaim that no one henceforth shall be allowed to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Anyone found guilty of celebrating it shall be duly punished by my law enforcers who will be assuming special responsibility on this day. My laws enforcers shall be free to vandalize shops, misbehave and punish any erring couple whom they think appropriate for punishment.

Entire year no one remembers me but I deserve my due share in national dailies.

We live in Hindustan and we have a culture. Only I can understand what our culture is and I have assumed the special responsibility of preserving it. Matters of beliefs and faith are above our constitution or any law of land. Our land prohibits the couples to meet, express love and ruin their future. When a girl ruins her future herself, it brings shame to her family. But parents follow the due customs of caste, dowry to legitimize marriage. Only parents shall have the right of ‘ruining’ her life.

All these days are from ‘fauran’ culture. My culture has taught me to preserve it by taking obscene processions, using idiot mobs for creating nonsense and giving some work to otherwise idle yet enlightened youths.

To remove any confusion, it is stated that no argument against me shall be correct, or deserved to be heard as I am the only person who knows what is right for you idiots.

(……………………Still I don’t understand why my law enforcers change party when they get a girlfriend……may be there is a fauran conspiracy)

Black- I saw it today, that’s 13th Feb. 2006.

No reviews……….. Just how I am feeling right now….


Poignancy, of being alone, in the darkness
Locked…….in mind…….in oneself
Suffocation……
Melancholy……pain……
empathy…..
for others…..for myself
Sense of being unknown……. to world…….
miseries…..feelings……..life
Desperation to communicate
Communicate………what you really want to…
…………….To be understood
Beauty of life…...
colors…... dreams…..music
Happiness……smile……..
love

Optimism……….

Feeling Heavy, Feeling Light

(How I am feeling after leaving the job....….)

I am miserable……
What have I one to myself? Placed myself entirely at the mercy of fate.

Life cannot be so difficult everywhere. I am attending coaching seven days a week. And what I will do when the coaching ends. One cannot study 24*7 that also when the result shall come after one and half years later. The routine seems eternal. Adding to my misery UPSC offers only handful of seats. A failure can lead to a ruin.

It is scary. There is no money in my pocket, no certainty in life. I am feeling terrible, all my friends are moving ahead and I feel like losing the race.

I had a good job…… at least others said so. I was having good money and the feeling of having a secure future. I have left the job, I will be spending my years here and what if…..

I am calm. I am satisfied……

This is what I wanted to do. This is where I want to take my life. I could not lead my life with guilt that I never had the courage to do what I wanted.

I love these things; I know I am interested in these. I have seen some of the most wonderful persons.......... persons whom I would like to emulate while leading my life. First time in my life I am feeling that I am gaining something.........the feeling of being a rebel, not led by hordes. Life cannot be lead according to dictums dictated by this world.

Others cannot decide what the right path is for me.

I am not a prisoner in someone else’s life.

Me, you and a stupid fellow

(another outcome of my idle time in office......)

Seeing the present consequences of the present world, I presently decided that the present need of the hour is to present a clear demarcation between you, me and the stupid fellow. You may question the authenticity of the question and why is it important to answer the question, but me does not care about the carings. Actually you and me both are interested in the stupid fellow. So how can it be demarcated that who is who. Me may be the stupid fellow or you may be the stupid fellow, but the point is that there is a stupid fellow.

In the land of darkness, there was a light. But since there was darkness, hence no one could see it. Not seeing it does not mean that there was no light. Everyone knew that there is light but light was needed to see it.

Millions cared for the millions and millions were cared by the millions, yet there were millions who did not care. And why should one care if he does not care?

So you must know by the proofs presented above, actually who are the stupid fellow. It is neither you nor me; it is the princess of Xanadu

Another day as a tourist…

I get up at 6 AM in the morning. Take a bath, apply the deodorant, dress up merrily in formals and by 7 AM I am sitting in the cab that takes me to the usual tourist spot.

Why usual? Because, I go there everyday. No I am not an idiot or a maniac. I am being paid to be there everyday. Still clueless, I am talking about my office. It has been four months but still the feeling of being a tourist has not vanished. I stand there, at times staring at men, at times at machines. I am an engineer, a mechanical engineer, but a factory and its machines don’t interest me any more than a tourist would be interested in them.

Sometimes I talk to workers, to ‘know’ things. Whenever I had done it, I have regretted. I am sure they must also have guessed that my curiosity is nothing more than of a tourist. My boss is training me and he is sure I am doing fine…so my tourism continues

Probably not the best thing to start with.....

Just finished reading ‘Catcher in the Rye’.

It really feels strange why we try to be ‘normal’. Why we cannot just be ourselves.
‘Phonies’ that is the word and world is full of them.
The price that we need to pay for living in this society is to follow the norms. No I am not complaining. It is custom I know, but accept it at least

Sometimes everything looks stupid, we live wearing masks. May be we are not able to recognize who really are.

Ever looked at mirror and wondered who the person in the image is? Try to recite your name, recite it slowly and think about the person

Have you ever felt the discomfort of silence, feeling of being lonely in a crowd.

Why we always need to fill companionship with words. Why the hell we need to smile, pretend to enjoy a conversation, ‘behave’. I want to come right in front of the face and say you are an idiot, can’t you remain silent, leave me alone…..or in American way; fuck off


Have you ever felt the fear of going to school, going to a party, fear of competing, fear of failure, fear of sympathy……. At times we all want to run away.

Don’t stare at me when I talk all this, I have still not gone mad.
Oh! this should not be talked. It is not normal.