Favorite for Lifetime

This is something that had a deep impact on my life and the priorities I decided. It is somewhat old so you might have read it, but anyways it much more worth posting than any of my other blogs. Give it a try once:

Steve Jobs, 2005 Stanford Commencement Address :This is the prepared text of the address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, who spoke at Commencement on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation.

Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course."

My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college. And 17 years later I did go to college.

But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK.

It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting. It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it.

And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example: Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college.

But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later. Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky - I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation - the Macintosh - a year earlier, and I had just turned 30.

And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me - I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over. I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything.

It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life. During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I retuned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together. I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple.

It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that your are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure very thing is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes. I lived with that diagnosis all day.

Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now. This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true. Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.

Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and Polaroid cameras.

It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions. Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words:

"Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

The Male Dance Begins

So you are wondering what is male dance. It is the dance (or an activity which is different from normal) which males in some species perform to attract the females. You guessed it right, male dance is common in human beings too.

Even I have found myself performing male dance at times. More than the idea of attracting the females, it’s the behavior of other males around you which makes you do this.

The recent incident occurred in a meet of candidates selected in civil services organized by an organization which conducted mock interviews. We were nearly twenty peoples and as usual there was the skewed sex ratio, the curse thrust upon me since my engineering days, only four girls on sixteen boys.

I went with a friend of mine who got a slightly better rank. Complete one hour passed and we could not even claim a ‘hi’ with girls. The competition was tough and even the faculty seemed to be our competitors, leave alone the selected guys.

There was this beautiful girl; with a sunshine smile (other descriptions ought to be omitted for decency) who attracted the attention of nearly everyone. We could have never let the event pass without an introduction at least. The hierarchy principle was running high in our mind and if a guy, who was uglier than us (in relative terms), with a rank in two hundreds could constantly revolve around her, we having a rank in twenties certainly deserved our share.

So when the girl was leaving and this ugly guy still revolving around her, we decided to take matters in our hand (in other words perform the male dance). We said a desperate hi and once the conversation started, we were seeking all the information right from which place she belonged, which service she expected, what were her optionals etc. The competition even started between me and my friend that who can talk more to her. The guy with this girl was stubborn. He did not leave the girl even now. Though as Arjuna, we concentrated only on the girl completely ignoring the guy.

Someone reintroduced us four to another faculty and we discovered that this guy and that girl had the same surname. I missed even this but my friend who claims to have more experience in these matters felt something wrong. He asked the guy if the girl was his sister or a relative. To the embarrassment of all of us he said aloud “No! we are going to get married soon.”

Well, that is life. We salvaged our image after that as much as we could by talking only with the guy about his marriage plans, and pretending that we were so excited by their plans. After that I had a deep regret that I also performed the male dance, and as usual failed miserably. I console myself by thinking it’s the human gene that is to blame and not me.

God! You created an unfair world.

PS: If the couple concerned is reading this, please pardon me and understand that I had to take some liberties with the incident to make the blog interesting.

I also want to state to all those reading that there is a good element of imagination in this, so do not let this post degrade my image :)

Destiny

What is the role of luck in life vis a vis a person’s karma. Some say that luck is the most important factor in anyone’s success while many believe that it’s a person’s efforts that decide the outcome. I found two very interesting explanations of this which cleared my understanding.

Life is like a game of bridge. The cards you get is your destiny but how you play is your karma. A person with good cards may spoil his game and vice versa. So in a way it’s a mixture of both.

Another explanation was that we are like an animal bounded by a rope in his neck. The animal cannot go beyond the limits of rope but in order to find out what his limits are he will have to do his karma.

Though at the risk of sounding didactic, I will say that all have to do their efforts to succeed. For success in UPSC I will say you need to be both hard working and lucky :). After all this speculation, I bow before Gita:

“Karmanyevadhikaraste Ma Faleshu Kadachana”

Relatives

No, I am not going to crib about my relatives. They love me a lot and they are highly appreciative that I got selected in IAS with a good rank. This article is about some distant relatives and friends of family. I haven’t ever met many of them but now I have no escape as I am free and they are also much more eager to call me.

I visited many distant relatives for the first time. Yes I have been a good student throughout, a got a merit in boards went to IIT, then cleared IAS (agreed, enough of boasting) but that does not mean I don’t respect anyone. It has now nearly become a rule that everyone presents his and his family’s CV to me. I come to know what degrees they received, how many of their near and dears ones were from IIT’s, how many cleared it in first attempt, at what pay packages they are working and how many civil servants they know. I understand that they are not showing off but somewhere at the back of their mind they feel I won’t respect them.

Another big problem is how I can tell a kid studying in fourth or fifth how to study. I mean I never knew myself how I studied. And what will that kid make out from my didactic statements. I would have hated meeting anyone who tells me how to study. The limit is reached when I am asked to tell a kid how to become an IAS. May god save these children from their parent!

One bigger headache is the albums that I am made to see. I appreciate that they are trying to entertain me but why I would be interested in seeing pictures of birthday of their kid or their visit to Nainital. You have to deal very carefully in such situations. You should give each picture an optimum time, neither more nor less. Even if you are thinking about Timbaktu, show that you are really enjoying. Asking some questions in between gives a good impression to the host.

The best part of these visits is the adulation showered generously on me. So I have nothing to complain. Whatever anyone says, believe me all love flattery.

Ok go back to your work and I have a checklist given by my father of relatives to be completed.

IAS Interviews

Don’t read it if you are looking for clues how to give a good interview in civil services. I have given just one and scored a pathetic 150. The worst part is I still feel I gave a good interview. What I wish to do in this blog is to recollect various incidents I came to know while discussing about interviews.

I begin with collection I got from common men who actually never appeared for civil services. I seriously doubt there is any element of truth in these but they present the most interesting lot.

I have heard this incident n number of times from various sources. The chairman of the board drops his pen on ground and asks the candidate to pick it up. When the candidate picks it up, the chairman becomes very angry. He says you are aspiring for the post of IAS, you don’t pick up the pen yourself but push the buzzer, call a peon and ask him to pick up the pen. Well, well, well, is there any wonder why the work in government departments’ move so slowly.

Another is about testing the sharpness of your memory. The board asks questions like how many steps you climbed before entering this room (UPSC interview room has no stairs, so don’t worry, this can never be asked) or what is the color of the wall behind you. I feel that they are more interesting than true.

Now some true incidents. A candidate enters the boardroom and falls flat on ground. The chairman says ‘Mr. what a great fall'. The candidate stands up, smiles and says ‘Sir, it’s a pleasure I have fallen in company of great men like you.’

There is one in which the chairman asks the candidate his favorite color. The candidate says none. The chairman insists on his favorite color but the chairman again says none. Now the chairman turns little angry and says look Mr. you have to give a color, imagine you are giving it to your bride but pick a color. The candidate becomes agitated and says if I have to pick up a color, it will be red, the color of revolution. The candidate is given very poor marks. When the other members ask the chairman how his preference of color determine his personality, he says that he is going to become an IAS, he will have to handle strikes, pulls and pressures from various groups, if he can become agitated in an interview room, one can imagine his behavior in the field.

From this time interviews, I remember questions like what is similarity between Mahatma Gandhi and Dr. Abdul Kalam. The candidate answers that Gandhi wanted colonial India believe that independent India is possible and Kalam wants developing India believe that developed India is possible.

A candidate who wrote classical singing as his hobby was asked to sing a song. Then he was asked to sing the same song in different raga. The candidate was able to do that and got 225.

One person was asked to untie his knot and tie it again. Poor candidate did not know how to tie a knot and became nervous. More than not knowing how to tie a knot, nervousness spoiled his interview. The person who was due after this candidate took out his tie outside the interview room when he came to know about this incident. His bad luck was he forgot to open the topmost button of his shirt and the first thing he had to explain was why he was not wearing a tie when he was having his topmost button closed.

There are many more incidents which I will recollect in a later blog. If you know any, do let me know. But yes, do not believe the magazines in which all the candidates say the board was very cordial, they made them very comfortable.

In case you want to read a perfect interview, read vivek’s blog if you have'nt read it till now.

Life has changed

The person who delivered milk at my house never knew me. But this time when I went home, I received a big ‘sahab namaste’ from him. Oh yes I remember, I have been selected in IAS and if I exaggerate just a bit, I can say that my entire city knew it.

Life has changed. From anonymity of being a student to that of being selected for the post of biggest babu of government, change is in something that can be called drastic. The incidences I would mention here may be totally irrelevant, but to me they appeared as a constant reminder that something has changed.

I became an interesting news item, or at least an item ‘worth’ reading. I got coverage in three four news articles, got my picture published in them, also did a live one hour TV interview (so what it was a small local channel), answered hundreds of viewers how they should prepare for civil services, what I am going to do for the country, how many hours I studied a day, whether I studied during the day or night and if I am going to take dowry in my marriage.

Not everything was good about this achievement. I got a sense of superiority complex. I felt confident while driving the car without my driving license. I imagined that if any traffic policeman caught me, I will say haven’t you read today’s newspaper, don’t you know me.

Whenever an unknown person stared at me, I felt he is trying to recognize me since he would have seen my picture in the newspapers. But to my dismay no one has recognized me till today and I am still waiting. Why people dont read newspapers seriously.

A big disadvantage of any big achievement is that you are made to meet all your relatives whom you have been able to evade for years in guise of studying. In last fifteen days I must have touched feet’s of at least five hundred people. I know this a good exercise for my back but I fear that it may be an overdose.

Another constant irritation is people asking constantly what happened in my interview. I don’t understand why people are not satisfied when I tell about my real, simple interview. To tell the truth, they are disappointed. My description comes an an antithesis to their imagination about an 'IAS Interview'. I have heard so many stories about IAS interviews that I am sure I will write a blog on it and mind you my original interview was'nt even half as interesting.

One thing I can see that from now onwards I have to be a people’s man. I no longer have the luxury to be confined in myself. But whatever it may be, I am enjoying all this.

Something from Past

This blog was written by me in october 2005 just before leaving the job at Asian Paints. I thought it was pretty personal so I did not publish it then. Now when I have got All India Rank 27 in civil services I think I am justifiedd in publishing this :-)

Yes I am going for it.

There was a kid in class 5th who dreamt of becoming an IAS officer. He lived with this idea, read long editorials in the newspaper, mugged CSR and did anything however stupid to live up his dream of becoming an IAS officer. Then he grew, realized the difficulties of life and gave up the idea.

That’s me. I was sure that I shall be going for IAS. Then at some point of time, I decided that I should enter the IIT to make my life secure. Lazy as I always was, I did not work hard to prepare for IAS during my stay at IIT. Life presented softer options and I went for them. One can take a good job, do an MBA, PhD or anything, but not taking up a job just for the sake of giving IAS exams looked a stupid idea. I decided to postpone the idea of appearing for IAS and went for a ‘good’ job. I wanted to play safe, make myself appear smart and present a successful image. The job was really good, probably among the best in the campus.

Just four months down the line I have money, prestige, envy of peers but still I am not satisfied. I feel I am betraying my dream. I do not want to wake up a morning when I turn 40 and feel that I did not had the guts to go for it. It may turn out to be a blunder; it may turn out to be a boon.

Whatever it may be, this is the best time to chase my dream.

IT’S MAGIC, IT’S MAGIC

UP elections, clean, without violence, without booth capturing, this certainly has to be magic. Election Commission (EC) has been touching new heights. First there were clean Bihar elections, then BJP had to declare that it ‘unequivocally condemns’ the communal CD and now this. EC is another face of India’s maturing polity.

Before TN Seshan, people hardly knew that EC had any powers. But after that there has been no looking back. Civil servants are certainly capable of delivering when they are giving sufficient freedom.

I can only say, ‘Be you ever so high, EC shall always be higher than you’.

Intoxicating

Music can be intoxicating. I have felt a different kind of happiness, a peace of mind, as if this is the best moment of my life. I have no ambitions, no fears, only calmness, serenity. Recently discovered Mehndi Hasan and this ghazal. Simply awesome

भूली बिसरी चांद उम्मीदें, चंद फसाने याद आये
तुम याद आये और तुम्हारे साथ ज़माने याद आये

दिल का चमन शादाब था फिर भी ख़ाक सी उडती रहती थी
कैसे ज़माने एबा मे जाना तेरे बहाने याद आये

ठंडी सर्द हवा के झौंके आग लगा कर छोर गए
फूल खिले शाखों पे नए और दर्द पुराने याद आये

हंसने वालों से डरते थे, छुप छुप कर रो लेते थे
गहरी गहरी सोच में डूबे दो दीवाने याद आये

Listen it here

Three Questions :

When do two people fall in love?
Every person has a perception of himself, or how he truly is. Then there is his perception in world, or how the world sees him. He may hide his true self or may not be able to project it to the world. But when someone else sees him in the way he sees himself , it is quite likely he will fall in love with that person.


Can a ‘normal’ person lead a complete life without having any interaction with the opposite sex( leave physical needs for a moment)
According to me no. It is similar to lock and key theory. Male and female are two distinct parts (if taken crudely) that fit in. They make a complete union only when they two meet. Physical union :-) can be seen by all, but what I am saying is there is also an emotional union which is complete only between a male and a female.

Can someone change his religion?
A person’s religion is not something that belongs only to himself, but it is a part of his cultural identity, a legacy that he gets from his family, his society, his upbringing. It is something similar to changing one’s past. So one may claim that his religion is his individual belief, but reality shall be quite different and if one cannot change his parents he cannot change his religion.

Dissentions invited......

My UPSC Interview

These are the details of my interview here held on 4rth April 2007. I have tried to present the interview as it happened.

I was allotted a table along with four other candidates. It was a great solace to meet four other souls in same state of mind and butterflies in their stomach. We chatted and felt good. One hour passed quickly and I did not at all feel nervous.

A clerk came quietly to our table and said “Subir Dutta ka board hai”. Not all were amused by his name. Within minutes we found out he was a retired IAS, former defense secretary, and was ‘not very friendly’.

I was third to be interviewed. My heart was beating fast. I went near my chair and wished them Good Morning, wishing the lady member first. (It was a five member board with one lady member, let them be M1, M2, M3 and M4)

Subir Dutta: Sit down Mr. A
A: Thank you sir (Adapts an imposed smile on his face and gives a smile to all the members. They all have stern expressions)

Subir Dutta: So Mr. A you have done B. Tec in Mechanical Engg. from ……. (I take it as a cue for prompting)
A : IIT Kanpur Sir

Subir Dutta: You got this Outstanding B. Tech project award, what was it.
A : Explains it in brief and turns his head (somewhat like a table fan) to meet the eyes of all members

Subir Dutta: You have worked for six months in Asian Paints, why did you leave
A: Sir I always wanted to come for civil services but I wanted to get some work experience before coming here.

Subir Dutta: (looks interested) Why do you want to come to civil services?
A: Sir I learnt a lot in my engineering but I felt that my field is getting narrowed. I wanted to work not only among machines but also among human beings. Civil services offer an opportunity to work directly among people. Apart from this, it is a wonderful career opportunity with a motivation of working for the society.

Subir Dutta: And you also got this summer training scholarship form University of Stuttgart?
A : Yes sir.

Subir Dutta: When was it and for how long?
A: I explain…

M2: So how did you go?
A: Sir it was by Turkish airlines. I went to Istanbul and then to Stuttgart.

M2: Oh, so you did not take the traditional route from Frankfurt. This route must be cheaper.
A: Yes sir, this was the reason (a smile comes on my face)

M2: OK, what is the distance between Stuttgart and Frankfurt?
A: I think 200 km.

M2: Stuttgart and Berlin?
A: nearly 400 km

M2: Stuttgart and Bonn?
A: nearly 400 km

M2: Stuttgart and Hungary?
A: nearly 400 km.

Subir Dutta: Mr. A what are your 16th and 17th preference of services?
A: Sir they are IFS and IPS. I gave them this preference because I do not want to enter these.

Subir Dutta: Why?
A: Sir I have some family commitments and it shall be difficult for me to stay abroad for longer durations.
I did not fill IPS because I felt I do not have the right kind of temperament needed to be an IPS officer. I tried to know more about this service but I was not convinced. I felt if I still filled it, I shall be dishonest with myself and the service (this was a well rehearsed answer)

Subir Dutta: What is the total Income tax collected?
A: Sorry sir, I don’t know

Subir Dutta: (with a small sarcastic smile) I felt you did so much research while filling the service preferences, you would be knowing it.
A : (tries to maintain a smile on his face)

Subir Dutta gestures other members to ask their questions

M2: Mr. A, IIT’s were made to do some good research but that task has not been achieved what do you say?
A: Yes sir, this may partially be true. IIT’s were made primary for research but over the years it has been felt that the outcome is not as expected. The number of undergraduates is twice that that of postgraduates, and IIT’s could not attract students primarily for research purpose

M2: Do you think there is Brain Drain?
A: May be 20 years before there was, but not now.

M2: Define Brain Drain
A: I define it

M2: But we are using technologies invented in west. So where is this brain drain?
A: Yes sir that’s a valid point of view and we may also see things like this


Subir Dutta: Mr. A, I forgot to ask you one question. Some persons come to me with a BE degree some come with a B. Tech degree. What is the difference?
A: I explain (I had expected this so I gave the answer I found on internet)

Subir Dutta: (not very satisfied by my answer) What is the difference between engineering and technology?
A: Sorry sir, I do not know the literal difference.

M3: Mr. A, what is the temperament needed to be an IPS officer.
A: It shall be very difficult to define the temperament sir; it was more of a feeling. I tried to know more about the service but I was not convinced.

M3: So what did you try to know?
A: I read about IPS officers who had made name. I found that they all wanted to be in police from the beginning. Reverse was the case with me.

M3: And?
A: I have also done NCC for one year

M3: and you did not like it?
A: No sir, I liked and it was a very good experience. But something similar to this as a career preference. I feel my priorities lie somewhere else.

M3: Mr. A, we have these revenue services. But research has shown that 90% taxes are collected in pre assessment stage itself. These services help only in collecting 10% taxes. Why we should not abolish these services?
A: (I have no idea what to say) Sir but these services must be providing talented human resources which must be used for that pre assessment collection.

M3: In a way repeats his question
A: Sir I was unaware of this fact…..

M3: Yes it is a fact; government of India’s white paper has said this.
A: (I smile) May be sir even this 10% that these services collect is very important for the nation.

M3: (he also starts smiling) Ok

M4: Recently online degrees have been started by IIT’s. What is your opinion about them?
A: I support this by saying now the reach of education can be improved.

M4: Do you know any other western university doing this
A: No sir, I specifically do not know, but many must be doing it.

M4: MIT is doing it. Where is MIT?
A: Boston

M4: Yes Boston, Massachusetts.

M2: A, you have seen education system in Germany and India. What difference did you observe?
A: Sir education is free there, and government is trying to attract students from all over the world as their population is declining.

M2: What else?
A: I can’t remember anything else sir.

M2: They focus more on technical education.
A: Yes sir

M1: What do you know about “Specific Energy policy of India”
A: (I had never heard about it) Madam I do not know exactly what this is but I can tell about it.

M1: (she nods)
A: I tell all major things about energy, from power sector reforms to diversification to non conventional energy sources.

M1: Do you think Jatropa farming is successful
A: Yes maam (I explain with certain problems involved)

M2: What is virtual university?
A: (I could have easily guessed it but….) Sir may I guess??

M2: No, tell only if you know for sure.
A: Sorry sir I do not know.

M3: Mr. A the services you want to enter are the most corrupt services. What will you do to curb corruption?
A: I explain by specially mentioning to use technology.

M3: (with a smile) Use technology and problem would be solved?
A: Not sir (with a smile) but use technology more often, it will help.


Subir Dutta: Ok A, you can go now.


I thanked everyone, but I do not remember them smiling back at me. They all looked busy in themselves and I came out. All this happened in just 25 minutes!

I had this strange feeling, I did not think it went very good, I did not think it went bad. I was confident; I was smiling, so I am satisfied by my performance.

I do not exactly till date what went wrong. After all the speculations the verdict is known to me. It was not a very good interview and I scored a meagre 150. But there is a silver lining too. I scored 1139 in mains so could still manage 27th rank :)

It’s a wonderful life

Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?

Orkut is not useless; it has many good things about it, specially for the ignorant souls. Still wondering how, so look at profiles, their favorite movies, books and you can find a hidden treasure there.

I found this movie, ‘It’s a wonderful Life’ in one of the profiles and believe me it is a gem. It makes you realize that indeed life is wonderful. Very few things in this journey called life remind us that we are actually enjoying it. This movie is one of those.

Life gives us sorrow, life gives us joy, and not an iota of it is worth missing. Do we really need to understand what is life, can’t it be just an experience. You enjoy it till you are and you won’t even know when you are gone.

Remember no man is a failure who has friends

Read more about it here

I, SHE and THEY

(Disclaimer: All characters in this story are purely fictitious and any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely co incidental.)

I say:

She is my girlfriend from eight years. No, none of my friends have met her. Actually I never wanted to. Reasons, OK I always felt that boys meet the girlfriends of their friends to see ‘kaisa maal pataya hai’. I know my friends are not like that but I could never get above this mentality.

But eight years is a long time. I had made up my mind to let them meet her at a suitable point of time.
So the occasion came when Rahul was giving treat of his new job. I was with her when I got the invitation from Rahul to join them.

Sometimes you work against your intuitions; I asked him if I can bring her there, no not alone, with one of her female friend. It was just a moment’s impulse, with no consequences pondered whatsoever. Rahul of course could not say no.

The thing I realized later was there were five friends, drinking! and a scapegoat to be butchered unwillingly at a five star hotel. So I knew that I was going to spoil their fun and increase the woes of the scapegoat by adding three more persons to the party at an expensive hotel.

No, I could not revert, the shot had been fired and I had to go with it.

She says:

I never understand why he insists on taking me to meet his friends. I feel that I am going there to be evaluated by his friends. The thought that all my moves are being watched and I am a showpiece scares me. I know I might be overreacting but if I need to ‘look good’, behave well, look interested and smile all the time, I turn uncomfortable.

Also why is he taking me to a five start hotel? His friends might feel that I came because they were at a five star. He himself knows that his chances of giving back a treat at a five star are minimal. I know that this thought has worried him and he himself is uncomfortable.

His friends will be drinking there. I turn uncomfortable at the sight of booze, and there I will have to look normal. He knows all this and I know he will become more restless than me. But I have to go with him, I have no other option.

They Say:

We do not have much to say. We only know that he is coming to this party with his girlfriend. We have to try hard so that the effect of booze does not get over our heads. Most of us will have to try hard to act normally in the presence of girls.

We dot not have any opinion on anything, let fate take care of it. But his girlfriend should not feel how strange friends he has……………

For any confusions hereafter, look at the disclaimer.

I LOVE MY INDIA

I love my India
I sit in the general compartment of a train to go to a nearby town. Six persons sit on the seat of three, and six others stand in front. It’s hard to breathe and nature is not allowed to call you as some lucky persons always capture the toilets, the only space available with less human density. I see youngsters and elder men, using the filthiest language , with their teeth red chewing pan masala. I watch policemen and coolies distributing seats by taking/extorting money. You don’t need to die to go to hell. Most Indians travel like this!

**************************************************

I love my India.
I go to visit my grandparents who live in a town, a sub urban town. The bus takes five hours to complete a journey of sixty kilometers, courtesy shining India roads. Being well off, my grandparents have all appliances which add luxury to your life like TV and fridge. But average electricity supply is around eight hours. I think about the growth rate of our infrastructure. Nearly eighty percent India live at such places, and worse !

**************************************************

I love my India.
I read the morning newspaper and find the decision of a court case I have been following since years, a boy, son of an IAS officer threw acid on the face of a girl. The court and police, after struggling hard discover that evidence is not sufficient to punish the boy. In the meantime, the boy has completed a professional course and is doing a job. The girl’s father has spent his entire savings in her treatment and the court case. The girl is nearly OK, only lost her one eye and has incurable injuries on her face. The girl loses the case and I lose hope. This the fate of most cases !

**************************************************

I love my India
Nearly after sixty years of independence, our politicians unanimously discover that they need to do ‘social justice’. They reserve half the seats for backward castes. They turn deaf towards an issue called academic excellence or merit. Providing assistance at primary level and allowing them to run along with other classes does not attract votes so they hand over the crutches of reservation, first at graduation level, then at post graduation level and then in job. Students fight but most of us know what shall be the fate of their struggle !

**************************************************
What is India, the one growing at eight percent or one waiting to get drinking water, India seeing the software boom, posh molls or India where farmers commit suicides and Sati is glorified. What is India, an emerging superpower, or one doomed by politicians. Till you decide, I will keep on saying I love my India.

Proud of Our democracy

Two events involving our political leaders took place nearly side by side. One was marriage of Lalu Yadav’s daughter; the other was the sad demise of Pramod Mahajan.

Though both were simple events, common to the life of any society, but they conveyed a special message. Leaders cutting across party lines were present in both. The bitterness of politics was nowhere to be seen in Nitish Kumar blessing the daughter of Lalu or Sonia Gandhi giving condolences to Pramod Mahajan They must have criticized each other severely in public debates, thrown abuses, charged each other of corruption, yet they all realize the difference between personal life and professional life. Isn’t it democracy, to have ideological differences, to criticize policies, yet being together in times warranting it.

The magic of democracy is that though the surface looks turbulent full of clashes and differences, the stream is calm at depth, accommodating all conflicting views, giving space to everyone according to his hold on society. Every contender identifies the legitimacy of those in power owing to the public support and thus avoiding any bitterness, a virtue which can never be implanted in any dictatorship.

This is certainly a good sign of healthy Indian democracy, an institution in which issues are contested, not human beings.

A Random Diary

I sit here, idle, alone, thinking about future, thinking about past……thinking about life. I think about my family, I think about my friends…..about all those moments. Moments filled with success, failures. I think about how things will shape up. I feel hopeful, I feel doomed. I know past is gone and I know no one knows the future.
At times I feel lonely but this phase will pass and I know I will look back and cherish these days.

*******************************************************************

My prelim exam is tomorrow. So many friends have called me to say best of luck. I do not know whether I liked it or not, I felt strange. They made me realize that something important was coming up, and those two hours mattered. I am not restless, but I don’t know how to react.
I was thinking why my friends called me and I felt all of us are alone. We all need occasions to talk to, to feel that we are together, in this new real world, out of IIT.

*******************************************************************

The Exam is over. I feel it did not go well but I know I have fared better than others. My mind is never ready to believe that I will not succeed. I feel excited, life looks changed and I have to get ready for another assignment.

*******************************************************************

Today I got the news that my paper is cancelled. And everyone consoled me ‘so what your exam did not go very well, its good for you. But I knew I would have qualified and now I shall have to waste another one month. I am not depressed.
I have the gut feeling that I will get through all these…I have to.

*******************************************************************
Met my maternal grandparents today, nearly after two years.
They are old, and whenever I meet them, I have the feeling that this may be our last meeting. I remember the times when summer holidays used to be fun, only because of them, because of the kite, the cold water from well, the ride of a bullock cart, getting up with the sunrise and smell of morning air. Life looked bliss and all I wanted was that my summer vacations never end.
Now things have changed, so have aspirations. These things no longer fascinate me. I do not know whether I love my grandparents or not, but they long to see me, and that makes me feel guilty that why I do not feel for them

Don’t read it

(unless you are utterly idle)

Got it. There was a car, in the garden……..behind the bars, in the jargonized world, along with children’s emergency fund.

With hot boiling water and bread and sickle or something with senses and without reason with a blank…………….out of calm.

Another try, do it now, just now, just now, just now, already three times, this is four, okay you know how to count.

Furbishing this, with flamboyance, idiot you don’t even know the meanings of these.

Kya soch tha, koi matlab niklega iska (read the title again)

An Obscure (love) story

(Help: HE= He, never pal
Pal= Pal and never He
I have been enough crticised for confusions, :-) )

It all happened in a day.

He loved her (as had been declared by him) and she (……perhaps) loved him….not yet declared. And then there was this ‘friendship’ clause. Formally.

It was compromise that they had reached some days before. He had proposed her and then he ran away, not asking her response, not letting her respond. When an awkward uneasiness entered their relationship, she came and said ‘Can’t we just be friends’. Just! No it was not at all just from his side, but they agreed.

There was another character in this plot. A pal of his, a pal of her. Both used to communicate through him as eyes were found incapable at times, mostly when there was that special (mis)understanding.

He had a problem, that a pal was meant only to communicate with her and nothing else and she had a problem that pal was a pal, and you need pals at times. Then there was this long gap when the pal went out, I mean out of city. She missed him because she missed a pal and he (not much) missed him because he missed the link of communication. He was (privately) enjoying it as she was talking to him more often and he wished to eliminate this loop of pal.

It was ok till she started longing for this pal and became sad and wished the pal would call him on phone. He was not perturbed by anything but strangely when she became sad, he became restless. So that day he decided to play Good Samaritan, called this pal, asked him to talk to her, not letting her know he asked for it.

She was really happy, happy at the special ‘bond’ she had with this pal, the pal ‘felt’ that she wanted to talk to the pal the pal called her. What a good coincidence. Of course she told him all this in detail, and how happy she was.

But he had again this problem. He was not perturbed by anything but strangely when she became happy (without any reason involving him), he became restless. So he decided to play Bad Samaritan and he told her that he had asked the pal to call her.

So it all had this (ugly) ending. Both of them never talked about it later. You may not call it ending.

The ‘friendship’ clause was removed after some days.

The pal remained a pal.

The urge to communicate

It is perhaps the greatest dilemmas of mankind. Man is always looking for someone to talk. The reason I am writing this, is that I want to communicate. But I have hardly any idea what.

You ask me how I am, or the question patented for me these days 'How is your preparation going' I will always give the same answer. I won't ever say I am bad, nor will I say that my preparation is not OK. I do not blame the person who asks me. I know it is because of their urge to communicate.

The dilemma comes when we have this urge and we don't know what to talk. If the person you are talking to is from fairer sex, then it is a different ball game. But for our normal considerations, let's take the case of naïve, harmless, aimless communicator, the communicator of my type. I know if you are reading this, you belong to this category.

At times there is guilt. When we think about our aim in life, our worth and time being precious, this communication looks futile. But take it from me it is a noble quality, to talk, to gossip. No one gave me a penny for my 'precious' time but I have derived eternal bliss from many pointless discussions. Puritans would like to know its advantage but I say who cares. I have enough time in life to waste in useless talks.

I know this blog hardly makes a sense but I cannot resist my urge :-)

Waiting…….to Graduate

Do not confuse it with the degree. I have one. My problem is something else.

In my high school, I discovered that I had grown. I was no longer a kid. I looked back at myself and thought what a child I was. I could look at the world with a different perspective. I felt the change in my parents, in my relatives in the way they took me. Then I thought how great it would feel to graduate.

I had dreams of growing big, having an identity….. a mature identity. When I looked at others who were in their twenties, I felt that was actually the time when someone's life begins. But that was not to be.

Today I feel that my mental growth stopped somewhere in between. I think exactly like I thought in class X. The way the world looked then, it's exactly the same. It is the same obsession for girls, same complexes, same envy, and same fears. I bet had I been writing this blog then, it would have been exactly the same. It is the same way I adulated 'biggies' and always felt to be a lesser mortal.

I do not know when I will 'graduate'. If I try to feel within myself that I am in my twenties I am scared. At this stage, I dread maturing.

Happy, to be alive……

At times I have this feeling, how great it is to be alive. To feel the joy, to feel the pain, to feel……

I do not want to discover the truth of life, its aim, its purpose. I have no interest in any of the philosophical questions. Those who uncover the questions of life do not know how great it is to be a lesser mortal. I have no desire to be on top of this world. I do not want to run. I want to sit back and see this world passing by. I want to laugh, I want to cry, I want to talk, I want to listen, I want to be foolish, I want to be a child. I just want to live……

Stoic at will…..

I am perturbed. I know this phase will go and I will be back in chores of my daily life.

Today again I read about Jesicca case in newspaper. To add pain to my worried mind, there was the case of Priyadarshini Mattoo, raped and murdered. Her 68 year old father is still carrying on the fight in the case. The 'Judge' says that he is sure that the convict is guilty but he cannot do anything because of lack of 'evidence'. A lady is shot dead in Lucknow because she dared to protest against the lewd remarks of some goons. System turns out to be helpless because they are connected to party in power.

In Kanpur acid in thrown on a girl's face. The court finds no one guilty because her old father cannot 'pursue' the case as vigorously as the convict's family can. A person who dies lays in rest but a girl who has to see her face everyday in the mirror…..I have no words.

This is the price to be civilized. I praise the laws of Saudi Arabia where there is an eye for an eye. I am an animal. My heart will be at peace only when the person guilty goes through the same agony as the victim does. I imagine someone shooting the convict just outside the court as soon as he is declared 'innocent'.

How can anyone worship God, what will you tell the 68 year old man, the girl with a burnt face. Tell them that this was the punishment of sins of their earlier lives, or they will be repaid in their next birth.

Remain calm till you are not the victim and convince yourself by non existing logic. Lip service is all we can do.
I know I will forget everything soon till I read another case in newspaper. Then again I will get frustrated, curse the system, feel pity at my impotence and move on.

I am a stoic at will……..so you are.

Disclaimer

Disclaimer: All views expressed in this blog are personal and do not represent any organization whatsoever. The contents of the blog may or may not be true. I take care not to infringe copyrights but in case of any violation, kindly let me know. I am not responsible either for the content present on the websites to which I have linked, or for other people’s comments on my blog. If you observe anything objectionable, let me know and it shall be removed.

This blog is completely a non commercial venture. The contents of this blog are my copyright. They may be quoted but you must provide a link to the original article. In case entire article is to be published, please seek my permission.

Why do I like to write blogs?
Because I can put my point without listening to others :-)

Stunned, Shocked, Shaken……………and Wise

This is what I am feeling now, oh! Forgot to tell you, just finished ‘Atlas Shrugged’…..my first encounter with a philosophical novel, rather philosophy...

Could I understand it?…..cannot say, so do not ask me if I agree with the philosophy or not. But one thing is sure; it has shaken all my premises, the way to look at world.

Who is John Galt?
If I try to sum up what the novel means to me it may be following…..
1. Living for oneself i.e. a man can be in his natural self (and thus happy) only when his behavior is determined by no external influence of society.
2. Being free of guilt; of being selfish, of seeking pleasure, of being oneself. And of course, no guilt of animal desire…you got it, sex. Do not look always for moral sanction. That is the tool of world to tame men.
3. Living for sake of ‘life’ not for sake of living. It’s the zeal of your work that drives us, to be happy, to give your best.
4. It is the ‘doer’ who moves the world, not the ‘thinker’. Action and its result is the only truth which can be proved.
5. The political message; Socialism versus Capitalism…….Marx said "From everyone according to his ability, to everyone according to his need". Ayn Rand has flouted this hypothesis of Marx. According to her, it forces people to compete for incompetence as the incompetent is benefited most by this hypothesis.

I am still struggling to find out what message the novel conveys. I have a feeling that its pity and mockery of a great work that I could take out only this much from it, but these are my limitations. I cannot help mentioning two lines from the novel ……….
"Who is the most depraved type of human being?
The man without a purpose"

"There is an unspeakable evil in the world, you know it and there is no use dwelling on details of it. You must work a little harder. Just a little harder. Don’t let it win"